Alright, it’s been a while since I’ve written, but I’m back. I’m here to give you my Top 10 predictions for the Bluejays season. It’s my annual Staple and something I know you’re all waiting for.
Let me start off by saying fuck Shapiro and Atkins. They did fuck all this offseason and this team is legit trash. They raised prices on everything and are putting out a JP Ricciardi inspired mediocre product. They filled holes with fillers, not pillars. Yea I know we’re all waiting for Vlad (Thank you AA) and Bo (Thank you Tony Lacava), but those are two guys on a 25 man roster, they won’t save you. They need to build a winner and neither have ever done that in their careers. Also, Rogers can suck a dick.
That being said, get ready for a season that will be over by Canada Day and half empty seats by September. Here are my 2018 Bluejays Predictions:
1. Stroman gets in a twitter beef with another player
Stroman is an emphatic player. I love it. Fuck all the old people who talk shit. He does what he wants and doesn’t care what you think. That being said, Stroman is a little bitch with his social media, and something will happen on the field and I have no doubt Stroman will @ a player and talk shit. It’s bound to happen and it’ll be so embarassing.
2. Randal Grichuck gets sent to AAA
This guy will be Colby Rasmus 2.0. Plenty of upside, plenty of pop, HUGE gaps in his swing and long slumps. Theres a reason the Cardinals and Angels both have passed up on this former 1st round pick. I’m guessing it’ll be around the all-star break.
3. Gibby get fired by end of year
I love Gibby and think he’s done great jobs with the good and bad teams he’s been handed. He’s never had a problem with playing young guys and always seems to have the respect of his players. That being said, I think Gibby is being dealt an unfair hand this year and barring a miracle by this team making the playoffs, Gibby will be replaced by the end of the year. I hope shithead Atkins and Shapiro have the decency to let him finish the season.
4. Granderson leads the team in HR
Pretty self explanatory and pretty sad if it happens to be true
5. Donaldson misses >50 games with injury
I have a feeling this will be a shaky year for Donaldson and it scares me all these tiny injuries he’s having in the Spring. He isn’t 100% to start the season and it could effect his future with the Jays.
6. Tulo doesn’t make it back to the majors until June
And when he comes back he’s going to hit like .225 and we’re going to hear all the same cliche bullshit about getting his timing back and all of that.
7. Granderson gets traded
This team will be out of it by the deadline and Granderson will probably be our best/most consistent player. He will be a nice outfield piece for any legitimate contender to add to their roster for a playoff run.
8. Vlad gets the call by the end of June
Everyone has their dicks hard waiting for Vlad. I think he will handle AA pitching with ease. If he’s exceeding expectations and the Jays are tired of using some bullshit utility guy to fill in for Donaldson then I think Vlad gets the call by June and never looks back. It’s common nowadays for a hitter to make the jump from AA to the Majors – God’s Plan.
9. Jays will finish between 12-17 in attendance
The Jays have been fortunate to have the attendance they have had the last few years. They were 4th in attenadnace last year and this year this will piss it away by regularly having guys like Almedys Diaz and Yangervis Solarate filling voids for weeks at a time for injured Donaldson and Tulo. Their team is not fast, young or exciting. They did not upgrade their outfield, their regular infielders are all injury prone (with the exception of Smoak) and the team doesn’t have any scary fire power. Opponents will not be afraid of this team and fans will not be stupid to buy hype. This was evident by them taking weeks to sell out the Home Opener when this has been sold out in minutes in the past. The Rogers Centre will be a ghost town by September.
10. Jays finish 4th in the Division with 72 Wins
I’m sure by this point you can guess I have zero hope for this team to make the playoffs. They will have spurts of fun, but I don’t think this offense is anything special. The only thing that provides any hope for this team is their rotation and bullpen. I actually think they have a good rotation if they can stay healthy and the bullpen anchored by Biagini, Barnes, Oh and Osuna could hold up. But I think injuries and slumps will pile up and this team will be unloading players and looking to next year by the trade deadline.
Mid-Season evaluation will come at the all-star break. I’ll prove all the haters how smart I am.